Selflessness in Marriage-Henry B. Eyring

Henry B. Eyring said, "Where there is selfishness, natural differences of men and women often divide. Where there is unselfishness, differences become complementary and provide opportunities to help and build each other. Spouses and family members can lift each other and ascend together if they care more about the interests of the other than their own interests.
If unselfishness is the key to complementary marriage between a man and a woman, we know what we must do to help create a renaissance of successful marriages and family life."

Within marriage we must choose to serve one another and become selfless. It is the key to happiness!

 http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/transcript-president-eyring-addresses-vatican-summit-marriage

Elder Clayton - Counsel on Raising Children

Where are you spending your time?

An Exploration of Effective Mothering

Research studies exploring influences on children's development support statements of the prophets regarding the significant influence of women as mothers. Findings from these studies confirm what President David O. McKay declared:

Motherhood is the greatest potential influence either for good or ill in human life. The mother's image is the first that stamps itself on the unwritten page of the young child's mind. It is her caress that first awakens a sense of security; her kiss, the first realization of affection; her sympathy and tenderness, the first assurance that there is love in the world (1953, p. 452)."

Do we realize our influence as mothers?

Motherhood: An Eternal Partnership with God

Harold B. Lee

Rearing Children in Love and Righteousness

 Parenting With Love, Limits, and Latitude:
Proclamation Principles and Supportive Scholarship

In Successful Marriages and Families it states, "In order to promote optimal development and to rear children in love and righteousness, the following are crucial elements for each child, although specific implementations and approaches may be individualized based upon the needs and personality of the particular child:

• Love, warmth, and support
• Clear and reasonable expectations for competent behavior
• Limits and boundaries with some room for negotiation and compromise
• Reasoning and developmentally appropriate consequences and punishments for breaching established limits
• Opportunities to perform competently and make choices
• Absence of coercive, hostile forms of discipline, such as harsh physical punishment, love withdrawal, shaming, and inflicting guilt
• Models of appropriate behavior consistent with self-control, positive values, and positive attitudes"

To Preside- Fathers

"The Family: A Proclamation to the World" states, "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness." A brief examination of this statement makes clear three fundamental realities regarding fatherhood. First, fathers are directed to take upon themselves the responsibility of spiritual leadership in family life as part of a loving Eternal Father's plan for family functioning. Second, a father's responsibility to preside occupies the first and foremost duty among the varied obligations that rest upon men in family life. Third, the manner in which a father is to exercise spiritual guidance among family members is explicitly articulated: "in love and righteousness." These words emphasize that perhaps it is only through the gentle application of love and the consistent example of personal spiritual attentiveness that spiritual persuasion can be appropriately exercised (see D&C 121: 41-42)."

 Bibliography: Hawkins, Alan J, David C Dollahite, and Thomas Draper. Successful Marriages And Families. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University, 2012. Print.

Father's Calling- Ezra Taft Benson

Wholesome recreation and adolescents

Wholesome Family Recreation: Building Strong Families

"Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."

"With the onset of adolescence, many children have less interest in recreation with parents and more interest in bring with friends. As teenagers struggle to become independent, a variety of conflicts may naturally arise. Family recreation can create a positive home environment where adolescents feel comfortable discussing conflicts and personal issues. Family recreation can also promote healthy identity development."

"As adolescents develop their own identities, they evaluate personal experiences, interests, and skills. Varied, diverse, fun, and non-threatening recreational experiences help adolescents identify activities they enjoy. This process allows teens to see how their interests and skills are interrelated. It also gives them a sense of personal uniqueness as they differentiate their interests from those of their parents, siblings, and friends. As they engage in specific activities and develop higher levels of skill, the activities and skills become integrated into their identities."

Successful marriages and families: proclamation principles and research perspectives

By: Hawkins, Alan J..
BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University
2012

Our Fun Family Vacation - The Importance of Spending Time With Family

Prophetic Counsel on Marital Timing

Prophetic Counsel on Marital Timing

When it comes to counsel about timing related to dating and marriage, our prophetic leaders teach us principles rather than provide precise recommendations. However, this does not mean that the ideal timing of marriage is relative to each person. Prophets and apostles have repeatedly emphasized the importance of marriage in God's plan and the priority that should be given to marriage as young people transition to adulthood. In a devotional with BYU students, President Gordon B. Hinckley (2006, p. 6) said, "I remind you that the association you now enjoy as students is probably the best time of your lives to find your own "Beloved Eternal Companion." Do so with a prayer in your heart. It will be the most important decision you will ever make. It will influence your life from now through all eternity. Elder Dallin H. Oaks (2006, p.13) has also taught, "It's marriage time. That is what the Lord intends for His young adult sons and daughters."

 Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Successful marriages and families. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

How are you preparing or already expressing this?

Preparing for Marriage: Faith and Discipleship in Marriage

Faith and Discipleship in Marriage

"For some young people, however, the thoughts of becoming ready for marriage, finding someone to marry, and making a marriage work evoke fears and concerns. Given the prevalence of these types of fears about dating and marriage, the starting point for becoming ready for marriage is to develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and His divine plan for marriage and families. In 1 Nephi 3:7 we read, "I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them." Although this scripture is not typically viewed as a marriage-preparation scripture, its principles are applicable to the modern dating context. Through young adults' faithfulness, the Lord endows them with what they need in order to live His divine plan of happiness. As young adults strive to become the people our Father in Heaven  wants them to become, they will increase their readiness for marriage in the future. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (2003, p. 8) has taught:
Do you want capability, safety, and security in dating and romance, in married life and eternity? Be a true disciple of Jesus. Be a genuine, committed, word-and-deed Latter-day Saint. Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does. You separate dating from discipleship at your peril."

Who are you choosing?

Preparing for Marriage- Getting Ahead Before Getting Wed

Getting Ahead Before Getting Wed

"The central responsibilities of adulthood in the past generations centered on caring for one's spouse, providing for a family, and nurturing children-all of which involve duties toward others. For the most part, the new markers of adulthood carry a theme of personal independence and self-reliance. Coupled with a sense of pessimism about their chances for marital success, many young people now see their young adult years as a time to pursue their personal interests and become independent financially. Simply put, the emerging adult culture today encourages young people to "get ahead before getting wed" and to be careful not to let marriage alter or interrupt one's educational and career plans."

Discussing this matter, Elder Richard G. Scott said, "If you are a young man of appropriate age and are not married, don’t waste time in idle pursuits. Get on with life and focus on getting married. Don’t just coast through this period of life. Young men, serve a worthy mission. Then make your highest priority finding a worthy, eternal companion. When you find you are developing an interest in a young woman, show her that you are an exceptional person that she would find interesting to know better. Take her to places that are worthwhile. Show some ingenuity. If you want to have a wonderful wife, you need to have her see you as a wonderful man and prospective husband."



 https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/the-eternal-blessings-of-marriage?lang=eng
 Bibliography: Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Successful marriages and families. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

Successful Marriages-The Family: A Proclamation to the World

Marriage- Jeffrey R. Holland

Preparing for Marriage- Pessimism About Marriage

Pessimism About Marriage

"Pessimism about marriage and wariness of divorce among emerging adults is creating a culture of divorce preparation rather than a culture of marriage preparation. The emerging ethic of marriage preparation appears to be: "When you are ready to get divorced, you are ready to get married." In this context, "single life" is not only becoming a permissable period of emerging adults, but it is also regarded by some as a necessary period before a young person is ready to settle down and get married. Many emerging adults believe that they will be ready for marriage only when they are finished being single. In a recent study, more than half of young adults today rank having "fully experienced the single life" as an important criterion to achieve before getting married (Carroll, Badger, Willoughby, Nelson, Madsen, & Barry, 2009)."

Are you preparing yourself for divorce or for marriage? Do you think that you must "fully experience the single life" before getting married? Why or why not?

Here is a wonderful talk by Elder F. Burton Howard on Eternal Marriage:
 https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2003/04/eternal-marriage?lang=eng


Bibliography: Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Successful marriages and families. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

REL 121 Put It All Together- Lesson 11

This week in my Book of Mormon class we studied Mosiah 27 through Alma 7 and these chapters were chalked full of some great doctrine! In Mosiah 10 we learn about some of the false traditions that were handed down from generation to generation, which created a deep hatred among the Lamanites against the Nephites. This got me to thinking about how this happens in our life even today. There are certain families that refuse to speak to one another because of an incident years ago! This is foolish! "In latter-day revelation the Lord warned that Satan uses false traditions to take "away truth and light" (D&C 93:39).

Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught what we should do when a family or cultural tradition conflicts with God's plan or standards. He counseled us to carefully examine our lives to determine what traditions may differ from the teachings of the Lord:

"Your Heavenly Father assigned you to be born into a specific lineage from which you received your inheritance of race, culture, and traditions. That lineage can provide a rich heritage and great reasons to rejoice. Yet you have the responsibility to determine if there is any part of that heritage that must be discarded because it works against the Lord's plan of happiness. You may ask how can one determine when a tradition is in conflict with the teachings of the Lord and should be abandoned? That is not easily done. I have found how difficult it is as I work to overcome some of my own incorrect traditions... Customs and traditions become an inherent part of us. They are not easy to evaluate objectively. Carefully study the scriptures and the counsel of the prophets to understand how the Lord wants you to live. Then evaluate each part of your life and make any adjustments needed. Seek help from another you respect who has been able to set aside some deeply held convictions or traditions that are not in harmony with the Lord's plan..."

He continues on to ask, "Is yours a culture where the husband exerts a domineering, authoritian role, making all of the important decisions for the family? That pattern needs to be tempered so that both husband and wife act as equal partners, making decisions in unity for themselves and their family...These are other traditions that should be set aside-any aspect of heritage:
That would violate the Word of Wisdom.
That is based on forcing others to comply by the power of station often determined by heredity.
That encourages the establishment of caste systems.
That breeds conflict with other cultures."

(In Conference Report, Apr. 1998, 112-113; or Ensign, May 1998, 86.)

Having Children in Faith

Ezra Taft Benson

President Harold B. Lee

Prosaic Work Connects People and Changes Hearts

Chapter 21: The Meanings and Blessings of Family Work

Elder Neal A, Maxwell said, "We must look carefully, therefore, not only at life's large defining moments but also at the seemingly small moments. Even small acts and brief conversations count, if only incrementally, in the constant shaping of our souls."

Few things in life are as small, simple, or of seemingly little value as the everyday tasks we do for family members.

"Family members may not notice the cumulative impact of these small moments, but the daily repetition of words and actions that accompany such work help form basic character, virtues, and beliefs."

"Family work thus reveals a profound potential to strengthen and heal relationships. Performing mundane yet essential tasks for those who cannot do so for themselves can create, in the absence of pride, a precious connection between giver and receiver. As we figuratively touch each other at the simple level of everyday need, routine acts of service begin to mend feelings and foster unity."

Successful marriages and families: proclamation principles and research perspectives

By: Hawkins, Alan J..
BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University
2012

Revelation with Enos and The New Era June 2014

In Enos 1:10 Enos states that the voice of the Lord came into his mind. It is important to remember that revelation comes in many different ways. Some of the ways that it may come to you may be through: thoughts, impressions, and feelings (D&C 6:15 and 8:2-3).

 President Boyd K. Packer said, "Answers to prayers come in a quiet way. The scriptures describe that voice of inspiration as a still, small voice. I have come to know that inspiration comes more as a feeling than as a sound. Put difficult questions in the back of your minds and go about your lives. Ponder and pray quietly and persistently about them. The answer may not come as a lightning bolt. It may come as a little inspiration here and a little there, 'line upon line, precept upon precept' (D&C 98:12). Some answers will come from reading the scriptures, some from hearing speakers. And, occasionally, when it is important, some will come by very direct and powerful inspiration. The promptings will be clear and unmistakable" (in Conference Report, Oct. 1979, 28, 30; or Ensign, Nov. 1979, 19-21)."

I absolutely love this quote because he talks about so many fundamental things that we must learn and be reminded of in regards to revelation. Prophet Joseph Smith shares his explanation of how the Lord communicates with us by saying, "A person may profit by noticing the first intimation of the spirit of revelation; for instance, when you feel pure intelligence flowing into you, it may give you sudden strokes of ideas, so that by noticing it, you may find it fulfilled the same day or soon; those things that were presented unto your minds by the Spirit of God, will come to pass; and thus by learning the Spirit of God and understanding it, you may grow into the principle of revelation, until you become perfect in Christ Jesus" (History of the Church, 3:381).

In The New Era June 2014 edition there is an article titled, "Eight Reasons for Revelation." The eight reasons that they discuss, include: testify, prophesy, comfort, uplift, inform, restrain, confirm, and impel. Each one of these has it's own qualities and characteristics to identify it with. This is a great article to help you determine whether you are truly receiving revelation or not and how you can identify it when it comes. At the beginning of the article, Elder Dallin H. Oaks states, "You have already received revelations, and you can receive more revelations because communication from God to men and women is a reality." I loved this quote because I think that it is important for us to remember that we truly do have the opportunity to communicate with our Heavenly Father and we do indeed receive revelation in our lives.

Prayer and Sanctification of Marriage

Chapter 19 Sanctification and Cooperation: How Prayer Helps Strengthen Relationships in Good Times and Heal Relationships in Bad Times

"When people perceive something as sacred, it changes the way they treat it. For example, workers who defined their work as a "calling" reported missing fewer days than those who defined it as a "job" or a "career" (Wrzesniewski, McCauley, Rozin, & Schwartz, 1997). Also, Mahoney and colleagues (2005) reported that those who viewed their bodies as sacred placed a higher priority on daily physical exercise."

"A key aspect of coming to view a relationship as sacred is to first include God as an active member of the relationship. Ecclesiastes 4:12 refers to a type of "threefold cord" bond that is established when God is included in the partnership when it states, "A threefold cord is not quickly broken."Many couples report such an inclusion of God in their relationship. Butler and Harper (1994) found that for some religious couples, God is more involved in the marriage than any mortal individual."

Successful marriages and families: proclamation principles and research perspectives

By: Hawkins, Alan J..
BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University
2012

Ezra Taft Benson

Dimension One: Religious Community and Family

Chapter 18: Faith in Family Life

"Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith and prayer."

"A man with serious religious commitment and involvement, on average, is more likely than one with little or no religious involvement to:

• remain sexually chaste before marriage and faithful to his marriage vows and thus not endanger his wife and children with sexually transmitted diseases nor father a child out of wedlock;
• be and remain committed to marriage and children even during times of difficulty and thus not bring the trials and challenges of divorce upon his wife and children;
• be highly involved in the lives of his children and parent with higher degrees of emotional warmth;
• practice kindness and mercy in his relationship with his children and be less likely to abuse his children;
• remain involved with his children in the face of challenging circumstances such as dissolution of marriage or disability of a child;

• avoid practices that harm family relationships such as substance abuse, crime, violence, child abuse, pornography, gambling, and idleness (p. 431)."

 

Successful marriages and families: proclamation principles and research perspectives

By: Hawkins, Alan J..
BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University
2012

Elder Russell M. Ballard

Parenting, Genes, and Peers

Chapter 11 Parenting in Gospel Context: Practices Do Make a Difference

"Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God, and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live."

The family proclamation makes clear that Heavenly Father expects parents to have significant influence in the lives of their children. God's plan for His children may be ideally characterized as the placement of children into homes where parents are committed to their development and proclamation principles are practiced. No other arrangement is as effective, as demonstrated by the First Presidency's call to parents:

"to devote their best efforts to the teaching and rearing of their children in gospel principles which will keep them close to the Church. The home is the basis of a righteous life, and no other instrumentality can take its place or fulfill its essential functions in carrying forward this God-given responsibility (First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1999, p.3)."

  

Successful marriages and families: proclamation principles and research perspectives

By: Hawkins, Alan J..
BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University
2012

Elder Larry R. Lawrence: 'Courageous Parenting' @ The 180th October LDS ...

Spencer W. Kimball

Permissive Parenting Style

Chapter 10: Parenting With Love, Limits, and Latitude:
Proclamation Principles and Supportive Scholarship

 "Overindulging children is a form of permissiveness that requires careful consideration. As a member of the Seventy, Elder Joe J. Christensen (1999, p.9) counseled:

"We should avoid spoiling children by giving them too much. In our day, many children grow up with distorted values because we as parents overindulge them...One of the most important things we can teach our children is to deny themselves. Instant gratification generally makes for weak people."

Elder Neal A. Maxwell (1999, p.2) taught:

"A few of our wonderful youth and young adults in the Church are unstretched-they have almost a free pass. Perks are provided, including cars complete with fuel and insurance-all paid for by parents who sometimes listen in vain for a few courteous and appreciative words. What is thus taken for granted...tends to underwrite selfishness and a sense of entitlement."

In summary, permissive parenting does not fit well with proclamation principles. As has been noted, parents are charged with the responsibility to guide and teach the principles of the gospel to their children by example and precept (see D&C 68:25-28)."

Successful marriages and families: proclamation principles and research perspectives

By: Hawkins, Alan J..
BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University
2012

2 Nephi 32

I really love 2 Nephi 32! It is one of my all time favorite chapters in the scriptures. In 2 Nephi 32: 3 it states, "Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do."

In the Book of Mormon student manual it reads, "After a person has received the Holy Ghost and been baptized by fire, the Holy Ghost inspires them with the ability and the vocabulary to "speak with the tongue of angels" so that they might "shout praises unto the Holy One of Israel" (2 Nephi 31:13). Speaking with the tongue of angels does not necessarily mean that a person would speak in another language.

President Boyd K. Packer explained that we speak with the tongue of angels when we speak by the influence of the Holy Ghost: "Nephi explained that angles speak by the power of the Holy Ghost, and you can speak with the tongue of angels, which simply means that you can speak with the power of the Holy Ghost. It will be quiet. It will be invisible. There will not be a dove. There will not be cloven tongues of fire. But the power will be there" (The Gift of the Holy Ghost: What Every Member Should Know," Ensign, Aug. 2006, 49-50)."

I love this principle that we learn through the scriptures. I pray that we may all lend a more sensitive ear to the whisperings of the Holy Ghost.

Today's Family: Fathers in Mormon Church

Trustworthy Men- Elder D. Todd Christofferson

Key Principles and Practices in Fathering

"President Ezra Taft Benson (1984, p. 6) reinforced this key principle of fathering in a conference address:

"God established that fathers are to preside in the home. Fathers are to provide love, teach and direct."

 Abraham Heschel, a leading Jewish philosopher, identified the father as a powerful spiritual figure in the family circle with moral responsibility to teach and care for his children. He suggested that fathers are meant to be teachers and holy figures in the lives of their children. Before the patriarch Jacob died, he called his children to him and said, "Gather yourselves together, and hear, ye sons of Jacob; and hearken unto Israel your father" (Genesis 49:2). He bestowed counsel and blessings upon each of his chilren. In him was the power to bless generations. He exercised a holy influence upon his children as he blessed them and uplifted them; this is part of what it truly means to preside."

Bibliography: Hawkins, Alan J, David C Dollahite, and Thomas Draper. Successful Marriages And Families. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University, 2012. Print.
Chapter 13 

Fatherhood- Ezra Taft Benson

Mothers- David O. McKay

Mothers as Nurturers

In 1978, President Spencer W. Kimball spoke prophetically of women in the latter days. His words entered a world of loud and clamoring voices raising questions about the purpose of womanhood and the meaning of motherhood. In response to this challenging confusion, he declared:

To be a righteous woman is a glorious thing in any age. To be a righteous woman during the winding up scenes on this earth, before the second coming of our Savior, is an especially noble calling. The righteous woman's strength and influence today can be tenfold what it might be in more tranquil times (p.103).

Teachings from the living prophets clarify and bring truth to the confusion and distortions that surround womanhood and motherhood. President Kimball's prophetic declaration suggested that by adhering to these truths, righteous women of the latter days would have the potential to be a remarkable influence. The purpose of this chapter is to respond to some of the questions and dilemmas women are likely to experience in fulfilling their divine role as nurturers. Responses to these questions draw on scientific theories and research, clarified by revealed truths in the restored gospel."

Bibliography: Hawkins, Alan J, David C Dollahite, and Thomas Draper. Successful Marriages And Families. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University, 2012. Print.
Chapter 12 

Mothers and God- Thomas S. Monson

Heavenly Father's View- Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Sister Wixom - Parenting Advice

Maintaining a Strong and Positive Influence on Children

In the book "Successful Marriages and Families," it states, "In short, religious practices and traditions create conditions that engender greater moral maturity. Youth activities and religious education provide opportunities for moral discussion and civic engagement in ways that help youth think beyong themselves and consider the needs of others (King & Furrow, 2004). They also provide young people with expanded networks of exemplary, religiously oriented adults and peers-conditions that also provide opportunities for internalizing important values that help children and teens override temptations that stem from biological urges or negative peer group pressure (Bridges & Moore, 2002; Jang & Johnson, 2001). Encouragement of and support for religious involvement begins with parents in teh home and is maintained as parents teach religious precpets in the home to their children and youth.

Rearing children in love and righteousness, as the proclamation admonishes, requires the best effort parents have to offer. Nevertheless, the rewards of such well-placed time and attention are eternal.

President Gordon B. Hinckley (1997b, p.421) said, "Of all the joys of life, none other equals that of happy parenthood. Of all the responsibilities with which we struggle, none other is so serious. To rear children in an atmosphere of love, security, and faith is the most rewarding of all challenges. The good result from such efforts becomes life's most satisfying compensation."
 
 

Bibliography: Hawkins, Alan J, David C Dollahite, and Thomas Draper. Successful Marriages And Families. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University, 2012. Print.

Chapter 10

 

Love- President Thomas S. Monson

What are you reflecting to your children?

Parenting, Genes, and Peers

In the book, "Successful Marriages and Families," it talks about how important the influence of a parent can truly be. It states, "The family proclamation makes clear that Heavenly Father expects parents to have significant influence in the lives of their children. God's plan for His children may be ideally characterized as the placement of children into homes where parents are committed to their development and proclamation principles are practiced. No other arrangement is as effective, as demonstrated bu the First Presidency's call to parents

To devote their best efforts to the teaching and rearing of their children in gospel principles which will keep them close to the Church. The home is the basis of a righteous life, and no other instrumentality can take its place or fulfill its essential functions in carrying forward this God-given responisiblity (First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1999, p.3)."

Are we making our homes a place of righteous and a place of teaching? Are we aware of our deep responsibility to our Heavenly Father and children?

The family proclamation that is referred to at the beginning of the post can be found below:

The document may also be read at:  https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation

 Bibliography: Hawkins, Alan J, David C Dollahite, and Thomas Draper. Successful Marriages And Families. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University, 2012. Print.

Chapter 11

Rearing Children in Love and Righteousness

In "Successful Marriages and Families" it spells some important principles of parenting. It states, "In order to promote optimal development and to rear children in love and righteousness, the following are crucial elements for each child, although specific implementations and approaches may be individualized based upon the needs and personality of the particular child:

• Love, warmth, and support
• Clear and reasonable expectations for competent behavior
• Limits and boundaries with some room for negotiation and compromise
• Reasoning and developmentally appropriate consequences and punishments for breaching established limits.
• Opportunities to perform competently and make choices
• Absence of coercive, hostile forms of discipline, such as harsh physical punishment, love withdrawal, shaming, and inflicting guilt
• Models of appropriate behavior consistent with self-control, positive values, and positive attitudes" 

These are all very important characteristics to implement in our children's life. How are you implementing these characteristics in? How do you plan to implement these characteristics in more?

 Bibliography: Hawkins, Alan J, David C Dollahite, and Thomas Draper. Successful Marriages And Families. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University, 2012. Print.
Chapter 10 

Parenting is Sacred!

2 Nephi 9:7 and 12:4

In 2 Nephi 9:7 its states, "Wherefore, it must needs be an infinite atonement-save it should be an infinite atonement this corruption could not put on incorruption. Wherefore, the first judgement which came upon man must needs have remained to an endless duration. And if so, this flesh must have laid down to rot and to crumble to its mother earth, to rise no more. "

Elder Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles explained several ways in which the Atonement is infinite:
"His Atonement is infinite-without an end. It was also infinite in that all humankind would be saved from never-ending death. It was infinite in terms of His immense suffering. It was infinite in time, putting an end to the preceding prototype of animal sacrifice. It was infinite in scope-it was to be done once for all. And the mercy of the Atonement extends not only to an infinite number of people, but to an infinite number of worlds created by Him. It was infinite beyond any human scale of measurement or mortal comprehension. Jesus was the only one who could offer such an infinite atonement, since He was born of a mortal mother and an immortal Father. Because of that unique birthright, Jesus was an infinite Being" (in Conference Report, Oct. 1996,46; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 35).

In 2 Nephi 12:4 it states, "And he shall judge among the nations, and shall rebuke many people: and they shall beat their swords into plow-shares, and their spears into pruning-hooks--nation shall not life up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more."

Elder Dallin H. Oaks said spoke of the peace that will finally come to the earth after the Lord's Second Coming. He also idenitified the reason why there will be no peace prior to that time: "Many take comfort from the Old Testament prophecy that nations will 'beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks' (Micah 4:3). But this prophecy only applies to that time of peace which follows the time when the God of Jacob 'will teach us of his ways, and we will walk in his paths' (4:2). For now, we have wars and conflicts, and everywhere they are rooted in violations of the commandments of God" (in Conference Report, Apr. 1990, 92; or Ensign, May 1990, 72).

Eternal Blessings of Marriage

Jacob 3:7

"Behold, their husbands love their wives, and their wives love their husbands; and their husbands and their wives love their children;"

 

 

The Eternal Blessings of Marriage
-Elder Richard G. Scott

"Pure love is an incomparable, potent power for good. Righteous love is the foundation of a successful marriage." 

Love- President Thomas S. Monson

Love-the Essence of the Gospel
-President Thomas S. Monson

"There are many attributes which are manifestations of love, such as kindness, patience, selflessness, understanding, and forgiveness. In all our associations, these and other such attributes will help make evident the love in our hearts."

Confidence Tests: From Fear to Faith in the Marriage Decision

Here is a preview of Elder Wickman's talk:

"Each of us faces an uncertain future. But when we face it, remembering what we already know, we face it with faith. We face it with good cheer. We face it with confidence.

One of the most significant confidence tests of mortality is usually faced in the young-adult season of life. It is the decision to marry. No decision is approached with greater trepidation by this generation of young adults. It is a subject that provokes much anxiety."

“Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompense of reward!” Remember that we come into this life hardwired, so to speak, to fall in love. Don’t make it harder than it is! Remember what you know, and move forward with confidence in Heavenly Father and the standing you enjoy as His son or daughter."

I highly encourage you to read this talk! It is really good and goes over many points that are essential in the marriage decision.

 https://www.lds.org/ensign/2010/04/confidence-tests-from-fear-to-faith-in-the-marriage-decision?lang=eng

The Temple- President Thomas S. Monson

Traditional Dating

"One of the main risks in today's dating culture is that young people often lack much dating experience before they get involved in an exclusive relationship and, sometimes, even get quickly engaged. Proper mate selection and coupling needs the middle ground of traditional dating."

"The most prominent LDS college town, Provo, is not exempt from the growing popularity of hanging out. The BYU School of Family Life published a study in 2010 about the hanging out culture in Provo. Matthew Call, Michael Richards and Thomas B. Holman found that there are two types of Latter-day Saint hanging out, each with very different purposes.

The first type, Purposive Hanging Out, does have dating as an end goal. If young adults hang out with the intention of finding dates, the outcomes can be positive. According to the study, this type of hanging out can help single adults to find and observe potential dating partners, thus reducing the awkwardness of dating total strangers. When it works correctly, Purposive Hanging Out leads to dating, so the hanging out stage is short lived.

But the other type of hanging out has much less purpose. With Non-Committal Hanging Out, the intention is to avoid committing to a dating relationship. Participants in Non-Committal Hanging Out want to have fun, fill time and stay friends. Ironically, this type of hanging out is all about the moment, but generally extends for long periods of time.

Rutter also saw distinct reasons for both hanging out and dating. “Dating is really great when you want to get to know someone one-on-one,” she said, “and hanging out is really good to see how they interact with other people.”

Overall, the study concluded that hanging out can lead to marriage, but LDS young adults don’t generally view a date as a casual way to start a relationship."

 http://www.ldsliving.com/story/64829-marriage-age-on-the-rise-lds-single-adults-still-hanging-out
 Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Successful marriages and families. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

What matters most?

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you!

Marriage- Elder F. Burton Howard

Marriage- Joseph Fielding Smith

Engagement

Engagement

"The purpose of engagement are to confirm a decision to marry someone, make wedding preparations, and strengthen new extended family relationships. When a couple becomes engaged, they promise to "forsake all others" as the couple finalizes their plans to marry. The practices of this stage involve strengthening relationships with extended family members, meeting regularly with priesthood leaders, preparing for a wedding, and making specific plans for early married life.

President Spencer W. Kimball has commented, "The successful marriage depends in large measure upon the preparation made in approaching it...One cannot pick up the ripe, rich, luscious fruit from a tree that was never planted, nurtured, nor pruned."

By and large, couples will be better served by having longer periods of exclusive dating, followed by shorter engagements."

 Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Successful marriages and families. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

Traditional Dating is Endangered

Traditional Dating is Endangered

Given the messages young people are receiving from the broader culture, and even at times from their families and friends, it is not surprising that many Latter-day Saint young adults are confused, afraid to make commitments, and too often turning to the patterns of the world. Similar to young people in the broader culture, Latter-day Saint young adults today must date and marry in a dating culture that lacks strong norms, rituals, and relationship milestones to guide young people to marriage. Traditional dating is the most endangered part of the modern context of dating. Because of this, our prophetic leaders in recent years have warned society and have counseled them to follow a divinely directed approach to dating and courtship.

Elder Dallin H Oaks (2006) gave a landmark talk on this subject at a CES fireside. He encouraged young people to date rather than hang out. Dating involves planning ahead and pairing off. He urged young men to summon their courage and initiate dating. He counseled young women to be supportive by encouraging simple and inexpensive dates that foster greater frequency of dating. Above all, Elder Oaks encouraged young adults to resist cultural trends indicating that there are only two kinds of dating- hanging out or exclusive dating. Specifically, he counseled young adults to engage in traditional dating patterns that can lead to exclusive dating, engagement, and marriage."

 Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Successful marriages and families. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

Stand For Right

Royal Spirit Daughters

Book of Mormon 1 Nephi 17:45

1 Nephi 17:45 states, "Ye are swift to do iniquity but slow to remember to the Lord your God. Ye have seen an angel, and he spake unto you; yea, ye have heard his voice from time to time; and he hath spoken unto you in a still small voice, but ye were past feeling, that ye could not feel his words; wherefore, he has spoken unto you like unto the voice of thunder, which did cause the earth to shake as if it were to divide asunder."

I really loved reading this scripture verse and studying it further. As I was reading this I instantly thought of the relationship that we gain with the Holy Ghost. Have we heard his voice from time to time and yet were past feeling, that we too could not feel his words? Are we inviting the Holy Ghost to be with us throughout our day? President James E. Faust of the First Presidency compared a person's worthiness of receiving the Spirit to receiving a signal on a cell phone:
"Cellular phones are used for much of the communication in our time. Occasionally, however, we find dead spots where the signal coming to a cell phone fails. This can happen when the cell phone user is in a tunnel or a canyon or when there is other interference. So it is with divine communication. The still, small voice, though still and small, is very powerful. It 'whispereth through and pierceth all things' [D&C 85:6]....Perhaps something in our lives prevents us from hearing the message because we are 'past feeling' [1 Nephi 17:45]. We often put ourselves in spiritual dead spots-places and situations that block out divine messages. Some of these dead spots include anger, pornography, transgression, selfishness, and other situations that offend the Spirit" (in Conference Report, Apr. 2004, 67-68; or Ensign, May 2004, 67).

President Boyd K. Packer, President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, described spiritual communication:
"The Holy Ghost speaks with a voice that you feel more than you hear. It is described as a 'still small voice' [D&C 85:6]. And while we speak of 'listening' to the whisperings of the Spirit, most often one describes a spiritual prompting by saying, 'I had a feeling...' Revelation comes as words we feel more than hear. Nephi told his wayward brothers, who were visited by an angel, 'Ye were past feeling, that ye could not feel his words.'[1 Nephi 17:45]" (In Conference Report, Oct. 1994, 77; or Ensign, Nov. 1994, 60).

I think that it is important that we ask ourselves whether the way we are living is inviting the Holy Ghost to be with us. He is waiting for us if we will only seek after Him and live our lives in tune with the Spirit. We must focus on recognizing that "feeling" we gain when the Holy Ghost is present. Are we listening?

2 Nephi 2:11 "must needs be..opposition in all things" for good things to be brought to pass

Preparing for Marriage- Young Men

Young Men

"One study of young men suggested several reasons why so many are unwilling to marry early: 

a) they can get sex without marriage

b) they fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises

c) they face few social pressures to marry

d) they want to enjoy single life as long as they can 

(Whitehead & Popenoe, 2002)

The young man is untrue to his manhood who promises popularity, good times, security, fun and even love, when all he can give is passion and its diabolical fruits — guilt complexes, disgust, hatred, abhorrence, eventual loathing, and possible pregnancy without legitimacy and honor.

Spencer W. Kimball, Spencer W. Kimball in Love vs. Lust

 Men, are you putting yourself in this category? Women, are you allowing a man to put himself in this category?

Elder M. Russell Ballard said, "This morning I want to speak primarily to the young men and young women of the Church. I pray for the Spirit to help me inspire you young people to want to live righteous lives.

Some of you may not understand our Heavenly Father’s plan well enough to appreciate how important living a morally clean life is if you want to enjoy peace, happiness, and self-esteem. When you understand, the truths of the gospel will give you the guidance you need to be worthy members of the Church. When you accept the basic principles of the gospel and commit to live them, you will have the spiritual insight that will help you to be young men and women of purity, integrity, and faith."

 https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1993/04/keeping-covenants?lang=eng

  Bibliography: Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2012). Successful marriages and families. Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

 

Preparing for Marriage- Hanging Out and Hooking Up

Hanging Out and Hooking Up

"One of the biggest changes in the current young adult culture is the disappearance of dating. Several studies have found that traditional dating, where the man asks the woman out on a date and pays for the evening together, is becoming rare. Only 50% of college women reported that they had been asked out on six or more dates, and a third said they had been asked on two or fewer dates (Glenn & Marquardt, 2001). Young women and men more often 'hang out' rather than go on planned dates. Young adults often report finding that even when they have been hanging out with someone over a period of time, they still do not know if they are a couple. Even though premarital sexual behavior has been shown to be a significant risk factor for future marital success (Heaton, 2002), single life in modern culture has become synonymous with sexual experimentation in non-committed relationships. One research team characterized today's dating and mating culture as "sex without strings, relationships without rings" (Whitehead & Popenoe, 2000)."

"According to the 2010 U.S. Census, nationwide the average marriage age is 26.1 for women and 28.2 for men, an increase of one year for women and two for men over the last ten years. Average marrying age has been rising for both men and women since the mid 1960s.

In the midst of this rise, Latter-day Saint church leaders have spoken about the need for single adults to return to traditional dating patterns and avoid simply “hanging out.” On May 1, 2005, Elder Dallin H. Oaks spoke at a Church Educational System fireside about the differences between these two social interactions. He defined hanging out as “numbers of young men and numbers of young women joining together in some group activity.” Elder Oaks encouraged all young single adults to decrease hanging out in favor of traditional dating.

Six years later, the prophets are still encouraging a return to the traditional dating pattern. In the most recent general conference, President Thomas S. Monson, Elder Richard G. Scott and Elder Oaks all counseled young adults to make marriage a top priority."
 http://www.ldsliving.com/story/64829-marriage-age-on-the-rise-lds-single-adults-still-hanging-out

Do we give our whole selves?